Holisitic Cassandra News

- Finally, I have worked up the courage to share with you what I see……. Well, I must confess,  I believe I see a lot and sometimes I am not so comfortable with my observations– whether about myself, or others, or the with the outside world in general.

I want to talk in an upfront, somewhat revealing matter…… like a confession of sorts…… Sometimes I see myself as completely outspoken and even outrageous– which can be somewhat scary at times (refer to my prior post: Remember the Trojan Horse?) Anyway, I am coining these entries, “Confessions of a Reluctant Yoga Teacher”.  In them, I will share what I see in myself which may, in turn,  shed light on some version of   the “shadow” side  which resides in each of us and very  often evades our perceptions and sensibilities.

You may ask yourself what a yoga teacher has to feel reluctant about– never mind — feel the need to confess.
Let’s start at the beginning:
Confessions– what actually constitutes a confession?

Confession– defined by Webster’s is: an acknowledgment or disclosure of sin or sinfulness, esp. to a priest to obtain absolution.

Okay—so maybe I’ll just begin by disclosing my “sins” right here and now without a priest—outside of the proper confessional.

As a matter of fact, I must confess:
I was raised Catholic—but not strictly so….. I never actually made it into a confessional— I dropped out of Catholicism before I was ever confirmed. The only other sacrament I received besides being christened was my first communion. I enjoyed my religious instruction classes in the beginning.   There was something incredibly entertaining, even comforting, about hearing how Jesus turned water into wine (wow- what an enticing, resourceful skill!)….  And he had the capacity and generosity of spirit to take a loaf of bread and turn it into a feast for hundreds of people…   This was good stuff.  (even to this day– I am influenced by his teachings-  I really enjoy my wine.  Do yoga and wine mix?…   but that’s a subject for another day).    Anyway, as time went on,  I began to question how the nuns knew the specifics of what made Jesus click.  They would say things like: “Jesus loves when you sing to him”….   I was inquisitive, curious, and slightly irreverent- yet not completely dismissive of the Christian teachings.   I had questions, lots of questions—e.g., “How do you know what Jesus likes and doesn’t like?”  ….  The answers were never quite satisfactory.   I lost interest and became frustrated, not being able to really ever nail down a valid explanation or any proof that anyone really knew all that much about God, Jesus, or, even, Mary for that matter.     Luckily for me, my parents did not push me to continue to pursue this religion which just somehow didn’t suit me and my natural curiosity and need to know the “truth”.
Fast forward —   ……..  One of the by-products of letting go of Catholicism–  I never develop a true sense of Catholic guilt or any of the usual Catholic hang-ups that you may have heard or joked about… But that is a whole other story for another time:
Re: my reluctance…..

Reluctance- defined by Webster’s: the quality or state of being reluctant (feeling or showing aversion, hesitation, or unwillingness<reluctant to get involved>; also: having or assuming a specified role unwillingly)

… Well, my reluctance comes down to a simple thing:   I am hesitant, unwilling, and experience a natural aversion to the idea of placing myself above others- especially, other yoga practitioners in the role of teacher.  To me, this presents a sort of paradox…. First of all, in this enlightened practice, how can I possibly declare myself an expert of anything?   Aren’t I supposed to surrender my ego and the like……    and secondly and along the same vein— Who do I think I am—really- how do I define myself?   Who am I?  Herein lies the problem….

Check in with me later and I’ll shed a little more light on this subject in my next post:  Pride and Fear.